I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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