I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
