My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
