he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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