he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
