Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
