I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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