he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
