I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
