I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
wanna go halves on a baby?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
