Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
