that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
