when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize