Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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