Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
