At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
