I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
