im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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