I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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