both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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