Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
