put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize