I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
