you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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