Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
