Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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