even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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