if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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