well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
