she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
