Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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