Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
