Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
