Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
