Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
