Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
