Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
