My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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