Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm too high and old for this...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
