Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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