Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Randomize
