I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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