my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
