i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
