they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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