I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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