i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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