I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
