I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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