Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
