Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
