Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I would ride that face into the sunset
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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