Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
