how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
