ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
