whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Shame - the story of my life.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
