airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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