he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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