even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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