I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize