Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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