I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
