Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Found your dick twin last night
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize