Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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