Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
