I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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