i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
