so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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