I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
