I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
