M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
