I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize