Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think your dad took our porno
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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