so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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