Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
