My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
